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Ben

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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2008|10:59 am]
Ben
I really need to clear my head, and get all these thoughts out so I can stop having them swimming round my head breaking me second by second.

Problem is, I don't know where to start, and nothing makes sense to me at the moment.

Tried talking to my parents about it yesterday, but while I did a lot better than I have ever done at expressing myself, I just can't do it.

Sam says she's gonna come round and try and talk to me, but I just know it will be like drawing poison from a wound, but more painful.

Think I am gonna attempt to get professional help, as I can't go on like this.

I feel worse than I did 4 years ago when I brokedown. And at least then I knew that the majority of my issues were coming from my situation, and the ridiculous choices I had made which meant I was able to turn my life on it's head and fix things. Which I did. But as my brother pointed out, my life is going well. Good job, good friends, good living arrangements.

So this time it is so much worse. I can't change my life, I can't relocate again, I can't change careers. So I know that the problem isn't my situation or surroundings. It's me.

I know my mum is right, I have inherited from my Grandad and my Dad a predisposition to depression, probably caused by some sort of cheimcal inbalance. I too like my Dad was not born with, nor have I ever learnt coping mechanism to deal with this. I'm not a strong person, and I fear I may never be. So maybe proper help could at least try to help me come up with coping methods, as the sad truth is, this chemical inbalance, and genetic tendancy towards depression is never going to go away so all I can do is try to learn to deal with it.

My Mum says I just need to focus on the positives, and know that where I came through the other side 4 years ago, focus on knowing that I will this time too.

That's all well and good, but if I have to go through this every few years I just can't take it.

I know anyone one who knows what happened this weekend will think this is a melodramatic reaction to my ineffeciencies. And more specifically it's about girls. And I know that the last time I pathetically ranted on here was due to a girl, but that just isn't the case. It just seems that my love life is usually the catalyst that finally makes me break as it;'s the biggest hit to my self-esteem, self confidence and gnereal frame of mind, and the truth is I've been struggling big time since July. I don't know what it was about my Vegas trip, but my head hasn't been right since then.

I know that if it wasn't for Reading Festival I'd have broken a long time before now.

I remember my Dad talking to me about his depression, and how one day he got on a train to work, and just woke up somewhere with no idea how he got there and scared shitless. I finally understood how that could happen this morning, as it took every piece of will power I had to go into work. My mind and brain was physically fighting against me actually getting here.

Thankfully my last day is Friday till next year, so only 4 more days to get through.

Yes I have good days and bad days, but most of the time people viewing my good days are just viewing the face I try to wear everyday to shut people out, and deal with the world.

Perhaps that is my attempted coping method, bottling everything up, put on a smile, and internalise everything.

Not the best plan I know, as when it finally spills over, it's just not pretty.

And the only actual good days I do have, only stem from the fact that I have enough external distractions from whats inside me, that I don't time to dwell on my negativity and self doubt, but it's getting to the point that I need MAJOR distractions to block everything out. And unfortunately Reading Festival is only once a year.

For the longest time, talking going back 15 years, all I do in my head is day dream about being someone else, or being elsewhere, I seem to be never happy with the situation I am in. In fact I am recurringly daydreaming about packing a bag and leaving everything and everyone without saying a word. I think if I had the money to do that I would. And that scares me. As does my desire right now to pick up a bottle of vodka on the way home, or any sort of drug. Am intelligent enough not to though.

I look at people who have it so much worse than me, people very close, and feel ashamed that I am incapable of coping, and that they are fine and happy despite all these things. I was blessed with a lot of great things in life, and still I feel like I am continually swimming aginst the current.

Really annoyed my brother doesn't break up for Christmas till the 23rd. Was gonna ask if I could go and stay with him for a couple of days on Sunday. I may say I hate him a lot, but he is very good at dealing with me when I feel like this, and don't know why but he has the way of making me incapable of being sad around him. Livid, pissed off, angry, embarassed, hurt etc etc, but never sad.

If it wasn't for the big football game I have on Saturday I'd go down Friday. I'm not going out drinking this weekend though, despite the pressure I know my mates are gonna put on me. I have no desire to put in a situation that emphasies everything I hate about myself right now, and think getting drunk isn't the best thing for me either.

I'm purposely not talking about the thoughts going round my head, and what it is that makes me feel like this. Not sure a self depricating rant is what I need right now. So again, I will keep them internalised and try and figure them out, and what they mean before I can talk about them.

I've just gone and bought some chocolate, hopefully the happy chemicals in it will bring a smile to my face this afternoon.
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Reading Festival 2008 [Aug. 25th, 2008|04:16 pm]
Ben
My legs can barely take my weight.
My throat feels as if it's been violated by a cheese grator.
I can't feel my nose, to the point I keep having to touch it to ensure it is still there.

I don't even know why I am writing this yearly review now, as I am fairly unable to process simple thoughts in my

head after spending 4 days permanantly high, drunk, and generally fucked.

What a weekend though. 2008 now stands as the best festival I have attended.

I've lived in Reading all my life, an made sure I haven't missed a festival since 2000. But this was my first year

camping. The continual peer pressure from my brother and Joe who claimed I wasn't really doing the festival if I

wasn't camping finally gave. Gotta say though, loved camping, but also delighted to have a home to walk back for a

shower if I needed it.

So my festival started on Wednesday really. Festival starts as soon as you've finished work which I did at 2.

Despite the fact that I was going home for nothing, and wasn't even going near the site, I rushed home as if I was already full of coke, and almost crashed in the effort.

Unfortunately I had to go pick my Dad up from the airport at 1am that night/morning! So my and my brother decided we'd go to bed really early to make sure we had enuogh sleep, knowing that a 3 hour sleep for the next few days would be considered a lie in.

I had to go down to the site early in the morning, as I had to buy Sam a ticket on the door, and Joe was getting one too.

We had not realised that the internet, despite all it's charms, naked women, and social networking/young women stalking sites had ruined the festival.

Some fucked up website had sold about 10,000 people completely fake tickets. Obiovusly these people were not too impressed, and had bought ALL the tickets sold on the door the night before. Usually I rely on buying on the door, as it is too much hassle to buy them when they come out and sell out faster than I can knock one out. Thank fuck I had managed to buy some this year.

Joe was obviously, not just upset... but also dissapointed. And Sam sounded very dispondant when I called her to tell her, but that cold just have been the thought that she had given me 160 quid, and was worried that I would end up sniffing it!

Well I got in anyway and set about finding a camping site after the hour long fucking queue for a wristband!

They had somehow managed to fuck up the festival. Usually you can get into the main site with your ticket, and then exchange wristbands when you wanted. Oh no, that simply practice that had worked for years needed to be updated.

You now HAD to have a wrsitband to get anywhere in the site, making horribly queues and riots before you had even got in. Not only that, but they had placed the wristband exchange in wokingham, meaning you had to wait and walk for miles with all your shit on your back.

My bag even got searched randomly when I came in. Note to the festival, get better bag searchers. My borhter got in with a huge bottle of the shittest scotch whisky known to mankind, and we both got in with even coke to kill a small hippo.

Found an alright spot in orange after my brother joined me. Orange of course being the furthest field away from anything.

We randomly had quite a big campsite. Andy's best friend from Uni's mate, got his mate to call me on Wednesday and organsie cmaping with us. Was awesome though, the bigger campsite the better, and these guys were awesome.

So we had, me, Andy, Scurr, Mo, Joe, Stuart, Caroline, Jim, Pete and Scott. Ally and Kirsty were planning on buying a ticket on there. Note their absence.

But the less said abot Thursday probably the better. It can be summed up in just a few words:

Drink
Drugs
Sitting
Campfire

I have to say the collective people annoyed me. Every there would claim to be an individual alternative, and doesn;t follow the crowd. Yet one person would shout bollocks and it would then echo all around the campsite. In all honesty in was a fucking impressive sound a bollocks mexican wave... but it just goes to show how they all actually all sheep!

Joe, while all this was going on, was despretely still searching for a ticket of somekind. I'm fairly certain he had just got out the phone book and just called everyone in it asking if they had a spare ticket.

This was while even touts had run out of tickets! How they managed that when weekend ones were going for 500+ I'll never know.

Joe did get a ticket.
It was free.
And it was a VIP pass.

Wanker! He did have to go to London to get it though!

But after a day of carrying my heavy site and setting up camp... then being told I had to go walk another 500 miles to get crates of beer... fire wood... and what ever other shit were apparently a 'neccesity' I crashed at a fairly respectable 2am. Joe and Mo were not happy about this, nad had decided between that I did in fact have 17 hours sleep last night, and wasn't allowed to complain at all the next.

Friday began with a trip to Reading's best kept secret. The closest pub the the festival hidden round the corner

Colours. This was to be our only trip, as Mo and Joe bitched the entire way about feeling the worst they eve have in their life, a phrase they would utter every single morning. We got 4 breakfasts. 1 for me, 1 for joe, 2 for Mo.

They both had 2 bites of theirs and couldn't stand to eat anymore leaving me with 4 breakfast to put away. They saw something pretty special let me tell you!

Andy and Scurr were yet to turn up, as they were doing their usually not caring about any music, so I dragged Mo and Joe to watch a few bands I was wanting to see.

Anti-Flag were first up. The band like Jimmy Eat World last year, who were playing twice. And let me tell you, they were no Jimmy Eat World.

Empty sound, and kept speaing political shit inbetween all their songs which just made me stop listening. The sing a longs to the songs I knew were alright, but barely made me stand up.

Get Cape weren't much better. Love his album, but it is not a main stage gig. A bit like Dashboard a few years back, their a time and a place for acoustic rock, and the main stage at Reading certainly isn't it. Friday was probbaly the music I was most looking forward to... and it had started badly. To the point that half way through taking Back Sunday, who can keep it as long as they never play again, we headed to the BBC Introducing stage.

This was a new thing they had put up where the old orange tent used to be where all new talent they had spotted played. We saw a band called Our Fold who were awesome. The only problem being that we were able to rest against the barrier as obviously this place didn't have the biggest fan following, meaning my ear drums were absolutely rapped by the decibels!

Despite my protests we then ended up at Dizzee Rascal. It physically upset that not only was he not bottled off, he was in fact very popular! Livid.

It was awful. He had no live musicians, and his 'singing' is just talking over some shit track. Why the fuck was he playing Reading.

We did see first tits of the festival though as some bird got her tits out on the big screen. These were to be the only tits of the festival.

For some reason the average age this year was... about 13. While I obviously high fived this fact numerous times due to my semi paedophilic urges, it actually pissed me off. Everyone I spoke told me this was their first festival, and it meant any girl on shoulders on the big screen was horribly young, and therefore:

a: unwilling to pull their tops up
b: had nothing to show underneath their top

They need to be filled in one the rules. If your gonna be so fucking selfish to block the view for everyone behind you by going on someones shoulders, at least have the decency to give 60,000 people a memory to store for their wank bank. frigid bitches.

I finally meet up with Scurr and Andy just before Serj Tankian. What I paid attention to was very good, but I can't really comment too much as most of his gig was spent high fiving, bundling, and generally excitement for being together.

If I had a snort of coke everytime someone told me they loved me this weekend, I'd have followed Kurt Cobain to od'd heaven. (without the shotgun part)

There was a lot of man love going around. But as Scurr pointed out thats why the festival is so great. Everyone's in a good mood, loving at, and willing to talk and chat and piss around with anyone! Which is what led us to our first randomers of the weekend.

Me Andy and Scurr met a couple of girls, Georgia and Laigney, and this guy Alex.

Alex was a quality bloke, Georgia was a bit of a fucking retard, the kind of girl who is naively flirty to the point that I wouldn't be surprised if she i a continually victim of sex crimes through her entire life, and Laigney looked just like one of my ex's Charlotte, therefore I spent most my time chilling out with her. Oh, expect she looked like a younger, newer model version of her.

Should probably point these people were apparently 16. But looked younger.

BUT...

As soon as they weren't listening me and Scurr the mutual nod that said 'I'd TOTALLY go to jail for that'

Is pretty bad for me to say that... Scurr being the 28 year old saying that just goes to tell you how fucking incredibly fit they were.

Andy fucked off to go hang out with Walcott, who I believe had promised him Ketemine only a week before. No idea if they did that, or what they did. All I know is... I did not see Andy again that day. His reappearance the next day was the only assuarance I had that he wasn't dead and raped.

Us new group of 5 went off to see Biffy who started awesomely... dipped, and then saved it by playing on the best songs of the weekend 57. I had planned on staying and watching the Enemy and Fratellis, but just like last year my insistence to follow the skirt took over.

Jack Penate it was.

I didn't regret. Never been a fan of his, but absolutely loved the gig. Good happy tunes, dancing around like twats, sing a longs, and my crotch continually being rubbed my Laigney's fairly perfect ass.

It was starting t get cold, so being the gentleman I am, i.e. wanting to get laid, I offerce Laigney my hoodie, this may seem fairly pointless thing to tell you, but it was my Weezer hoodie. Anyone who knows me, knows this is my favourtie item of clothing, that I;ve had for 6 years, and worn every day since.

During MGMT who were fairly meh, one of Scurr's mate came over, and wating a piece of the underage action started making jokes Georgia wasn't getting. Asking if he could me Russia and invade her. Once she got this, she got offended, but of course took it out of Scurr.

Scurr had done it again. A girl had turned on him for no reason, and there was nothing he could do. Me and Laigney wne tot watch more MGMT while they had a hissy fit with eachother. When they returned laigney had to take Georgia away for consoling. My last words were, don't run with my hoodie.

I never saw her or my hoodie again. Scurr had not ruined his chance with Georgia, but mine with Laigney which had become a very hot prospect, and also lost my my favourite hoodie.

Somehow in all this confusion, I managed to lose Scurr as well. Where he went and what he did, again, no idea. I rejoined my brother and Joe who had picked up a bit of Frippette themselves. Mo was sat under a scarf huddled with this scottish girl called Emma. Girls really are suckers for punishment, as the majority of the conversation was Mo making scottish jokes, yet all this seemed to do was make up cuddle up more. I found myself fairly annoyed that Mo was onto a banker, where my jailbait had dissapeared like a THIEF in the night.

The 4 of us went to see Queens. Boring. Seriously boring. The only song that actually made me move was Little Sister, so me and Joe went to see the WOmbats. Mo and Emma were following. Mo quickly whispered in my ear if he get lost meet her before rage. I turned around to say cool, and he was gone. He had purposely lost us. This infuriarted me and Joe, but thankfully the Wombats were on form, and opened with the best sing a long ever Kill The Director.

Through fear of missing a single second of rage we left after on 15 to the meeting place for Mo and Emma. WE waited. They did not turn up.

We were fuming that Mo had apparently chosen to ignore us and not see Rage! Acording to Joe Mo had been going on about hoq excited he was about seeing rage with his brother, something it seemed was not gonna happen.

I was then appointed Joe;s new best friend. A title that would be given and taken away from more times than Paris Hiltons had cock.

Rage were incredible. Seriously epic. Morello is a god. I'm not gonna say anything mor about it, because not being a progessinal journalist my words cannot do justice to it. Just know, you wish you were there.

Mo and Emma did eventually turn up 15 minsutes into their set. Me and Joe attempted to not speak to Mo for as long as we could manage, unfortunately he was so drunk, he kept just doing that annoying thing where they grab your round the shuolders and jump completely out of time, and push you around.

I hate peopl that do that, they fuck up my sexy dance moves.

I then embarked upon my second night sleep in the tent. To be fair, it;s not that bad, the noise didn't keep my awake, and I wasn't too hot or cold. Two things I have to remember next year though:

Rollmat
Pillow

Fairly essential items for comfort were left at home, resulting in the equivalent of sleeping of the rocky beach.

The only other problem with camping is the tolilets. I have complained for years about the toilets inside the arena. The ones in the campsite made them look gold plated. Basically there is a huge vat at the bottom, with 16 holes cut in the top and seperated out into cubicles. When you piss, you are staring down into this vat, seeing everything that has been done before. And to make it worse, you can see the reflection of the opposite cubicle hole in the piss below you, which is fairly off putting. And the smell. Well it cannot be described. Going for a piss before you went to bed, the smell kept you awake longer than any coke or speed ever could. I finally realised why so many tents get pissed on, ruined someones tent is much preffered to those toilets. Of course my brother mainly choose to piss on the fire, which made or interesting smells when lit the next day.

I woke fairly early Saturday. It's fairly impossible to sleep past 9 at the site. The noise increases, the tent hardly keeps out the fun, and it becomes a sauna in there. Seeing Mo and Joe looked as if they weren't moving for a while, mainly as they had Emma laid all over them, I cracked.

My phone needed charging, and I was close to smelling like the campsite toilets, so I nipped home for a shower and to charge my phone. It was heaven. But I needed a quick turnaround as I wanted to see the Automatic. I cheekily got a lift back down with my dad, and meet Mo and Joe to head back in. The Automatic were fairly unimpresive.

I did go back to the campsite first, and found us playing frisbee with the next camp site. This was good fun apart from the fact that I got a frisbee in the back of the head about 5 times. We decided this game wasn't annoying enough people, so we ended up playing baseball. Which just meant one campsite pitching a ball to the other and trying to spank it as far as you could, then shouting sorry, and pass our ball back please!

It annoys me when I wanna see bands early on the main stage, as they turn the music down so low, that it just sounds crap. It would take a fairly special band to impress anyone that early on.

We tarted about a bit, looked at a few stalls, drank some beers, and watched the Subways. To be fair they were very good. The Lure of the fit bassist was enough for me to go, but I was happy to stay for the music. But seriously... 5 years in a row. Their in danger of becoming the new Ash. And the only song anyone actually gives a shit about is rock and roll queen, and obviously they played that last.

While walking around after that, I randomly bumped into Andy and Scurr sat with 3 girls. I styaed with them.

I think Mo and Joe were starting to resent the fact that it seemed as if I was ditching them for my mates whenver I could, despite the fact that they were looking after and standing by me through the whole festival. It wasn't like that at all.

I love Andy and Scurr, but unfortunately they go to the festival for one reason. Women. They only go to hit on birds, and stare at all the wellie clad, hot pants wearing frippette. And don't get me wrong, I love that about the festival, but the main reason I go is for the music. Which is why Mo and Joe go.

So it was awesome having Mo and Joe to hang with when I wanted to go and properly watch and enjoy a band, and Andy and Scurr to hang with when there was nothing much on, or I wanted to go have some silly fun and random banter.

I do have to hand the 'Vestival' idea to Andy though.

He bought us all Vest and just wrote Vestival on them, and gave us all a marker pen. We meet so many random people by just asking them to sign us. And I've got a great souvenir with the finished article.

So yea, I stayed with Andy and Scurr with these three girls, Emma, Tally, and something else. Had quite a lot of fun randomly sat outside some stall. Most of which ended in me being pretend raped by Scurr. Quite worried by the amount of times him and Andy groped my nether region this weekend. Wouldn't be so bad if that wasn;t the only gropes it got!

The 6 of us went to see We Are Scientist. Managed to catch the end of Dirty Pretty Things, and the only song I wanted to see. After seeing it, I'm glad I didn;t see the rest of their set. We were all sat down and chatting, and it seemed Emma took a shine to me which I was delighted with, as she was fit as. Unfrtunately I didn't get her number, but Sitrling did get Tally's number, so I am gonna try and get back in contact with her again. Stirling was sat talking with the other two, but they wren't the most attractive, and Emma chatting away to me. Scurr got bored and went to see Los Campinos afte realising he was on for nothing.

He missed out though, as We Are Scientists were one of the best bands of the weekend. Good tunes that got us all jumping, they wre very good at inbetween song chatter, which most bands aren't.

Seriously if one more bands tells me either:

This is the best day of their life
We're the best crowd they've ever had
or We are way better than leeds, I;m gonna scream.

And WAS played an Ace of Base cover. You don't get that everyday at Reading! And the crowd loved it!

We parted way with those girls after that and Me, Scurr and Andy went to joj my brother and Joe infront of the big screen at the back sat down.

The came the Editors. And the 2nd best band of the weekend. We were sat down, I was staring up at the Sky smoking, and enjoying the music. They were amazing. Every note perfect, and his voice just filled the whole arena. He does look like an anorexic Orlando Bloom though, so obviously the coversation of how we'd all like to do him, did come up.

Me and Joe were then left for The Raconteurs. They were enjoyable, but not really my thing. I did love Steady as She Goes though.

Bloc Party were waiting for too. They had what I think is the best spot. Second last, ust as the sun goes down. You can really feel the excitement and anticipation.

I rang Sam during their set in at attempt to make her finally hear them. She was appreciative.

Mo and Joe then planned to see the Manics, and I wanted to see the Killers, so I finally made an attempt to meet up with Jess from last year.

She seemed very happy to see me, and was very flirty all through the gig. The Killers unfortunately were spectacularly mediocre. They were SO quiet. This must be a decision they make, as Rage and Metallica were deafening, so it can't be a rules and regulations things. Obviously the best song ever written Mr brightside went down like a swedish hooker, and the paper parade at the end of All These Things I've Done was very impressive.

Gotta say as well, I've never heard a band finish, and the crowd continue to chant their songs. The impressiv tones of 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier' were still being sung up to an hour afterwards by ten of thousand of people.

Gettng out of the site at the end of the night was a fucking mission every day. How they anage t fuck up people leaving I don't know, but it was as crowded as the front of rage trying push your way through. I didn't particularly mind that night as Jess basically grabbed hold of my hands and wrapped them round her the entire time.

We first went back to her campsite and hung out with her mates a little bit, they very nice, but not really my kind of people. They were going to bed, so Jess came with me to my campsite, with the promise of fire, and a good time. Unfortunately I provided neither.

All my campsite were in the neighbouring campsite where they had a fire, and only my brother and joe came and joined us. God I wish they hadn't.

Unknown to me, Mo had snorted about 3 grams of coke, and accepted a random pill he had been given. All he did was sit about and complain about how much they regretted everything he'd ever done in his life, esp that pill last night. Joe just sat in the chair rocking, barely talking after being so drunk, while Mo tarted about in a sleeping bag for hours, rolling around, and generally being a rimjaw!

The worst thing was they had Scott from our campsite with them when they were getting high, and he, as far as I am aware had never taken narcotics before. He, however was over at the next site having the time of his life, while Mo the experienced Narcotic user was dying. Of course Scott lived to regret it in the morning.

I balme Joe for the whole thing. I know it was obviously my brother accepting the pills, but Joe is meant to be the sensible one who keeps my brother in check. Obviously he wasn;t strong enough this time.

Looked like we'd be having 'Sunday MoJo' the next day, when all they do is sit about and moan, and detox.

Jess only stayed an hour or so, once the entertainment of those 2 being twats wore off she left. Kinda glad about it to be honest, as I was knackered, and it came fairly obvious to me that she has no romantic feelings for me left at all. That night became good closure for the whole Jess situation. Still a great girl, and a good festival buddy though.

Please once again notice Scurr and Andy's absence from the night time festivities. They didn;t camp once, despite putting up a tent.

I woke the next day to find Joe gone, and Mo claiming he didn't have any sleep the night before. They were clearly not going to be the best people to hang out with that day.

Scott however did not surface till about 3 ish. We did check on him in the morning to check he wasn't dead. He was farily close to it by the look of it!

I managed to drag Mo and Joe into the main arena for the start and we meet up with Andy. Mo and Joe were in fact on detox. They drank no alcohol, took no drugs, and didn't smoke all day.

This worked out pretty well for me being left with the last of the coke, which I gave a bit of a battering.

Slipknot had pulled out a few days earlier, and we found upon arrival Avenged Sevenfold has also cancelled due to strained vocal chords. No idea if they played Leeds as well, but I'll be livid if they did! don;t want that cheap imitation wannabe, shit festival getting acts the true carling festival deson't.

Unfrotunately they had asked Bring Me The Horizon to fill in at last minute. The offended me. SO heavy you couldn;t pick out a note, and a shit growling singer. They were continually bottled, but did not take the hint!

Scurr still hadn't turned up, so me and Andy went to watch Alexisonfire, who we were very excited about. They also suffered from being early on the main stage though. Emtpy sound, and failed to get the crowd going. This coyld be anywhere in the world was alright, but after that me and Andy got bored and wandered off. This was a good thing, as he got a very exciting phone call.

Unknown to me Ally had been trying to get tickets every morning, and today he had succeeded! Him and Kirsty had paid 120 quid for a weekend wristband each for one day. Not too bad for touts prices I guess.

While me Andy And Scurr we waiting for them to turn up we met our girls for the day. A couple of 17 years old called Leanne and Kat. They were FIT as.

We had planned to go and see Hadouken when Ally and Kirsty got there. Scurr wanted to see Lethal Bizzle however, and it turned out so did these girls. Scurr has arranged to meet them in an hours time to go see him. I was very much doubting they would turn up, but fuck me they did. And although the excitement of Ally and Kirsty being there was still ripe, I was now undecided as to who I was watching. Really didn't want to leave Scurr the lucky bastard with those 2 fitties, but I hate Lethal Bizzle.

Stirling took me aside, clearly keen for me to come with him, and laid it out simply:

They are two ridiculous fit 17 year olds... Life isn't THAT kind.

I didn;t care though, and went with them anyway.

We managed to push our way into the Dance tent, after it was disgustingly busy! We were getting battered all over the place, and being a gentleman I put my hands round Kat to 'protect her' This basically resulting in me groping her entire body for the entire gig. Totally worth going to see Bizzle just for that. We left after the only song I knew called something about the police... what a surprise a black man singing about running from the police, and managed to catch the end of Hadouken.

The girls then tarted off, we did exchange numbers though... but I don't think I'll use it. We the met up with Pete and Jim for the first time in the arena. Kinda gutted that was the only time we spent with them inside, as they were awesome at the gigs. Me, Ally, Kirsty, Pete and Jim watched the music, and danced around like lepers while Scurr and Andy went to try and get laid. We wuldn't see them again till much later. The Music were awesome, don;t even know any of their stuff, but they got me moving a lot. The main reasn we were there watching them was so we could get in early and a good spot for Pendulum, probably the band I was most looking forward to.

The 5 of us managed to push our way right to the front, and got very excited.I've not been to the front of a gig in about 4 years. I seem to have mellowed slightly as I got older, and I now watch at the back with space to move about, rather than get crushed and hit at the front. For the first time in ages I got the pre-gig nerves. The feeling where your not sure if your gonna fucking survive this, as I knew it was going to be MENTAL.

Previously my top three gigs were Thursday at the Garage in 2004, Coheed & Cambria at Reading 2006, an Dashbaord in OXford earlier this year for many different reasons. This beat all three with ease.

It had the hectic fun of the Thursday gig, the musical appreication of Coheed, and the intimacy with the music and the band of Dashboard.

We went fucking mental. Even when I was mini mosher I avoided the circle pits like the plague, here we seeked them out, and even started them. I have never been so knackered in my life! Dancing around like a twat for an hour, getting elbows in face, and just generally going crazy. And they even played the Prodigy Voodoo people cover. I could have been in the gig for hours If I had my way. I'd have probably passed out from exhaustion but I wouldn't have cared.

Nothing was gonna top that this weekend, so it was a good thing th next gig was VERY different. The D.

They were hilarious. And it was just odd seeing Jack Black in my home town, and saying it;s name. I know every band does that, but this was Jack Black. A hollywood A-Lister!

Obviously Tribute, Wonderboy and fuck her Gently were amazing. Thankfully still had voice left to chant it back at them. The only dissapoiting thing was I was convinced that they weren't actually playing. When you saw them strumming you could see they weren;t playing what was being played, and clearly had session musicians round the back playing everything for them. But musical perfection isn't what their about, and as Jack Black pointed out, comedy metal isn;t easy!

There was only one slot left, and that wsa Metallica. I know a lot of people were really excited about them, but I just wasn't too bothered. We met Andy, who had Louweez with him. Was really good to see her, bit of nostalgia as she pointed out. Spoke about dave a bit, and the legends that were flipcycle and Haze. Was convinced Id see them at Reading at some point... unfortunately they threw there talent away.

I hadn;t seen Mo and Joe all day. They had apparently just sat my the big screen all day barely talking to eachother. There detox did stick though. I kept ringing them to make sure they were okay, and they didn't any of the coke and fags i was holding for them, but they weren't interested. Think my brother was even worse as the dissapointment of not seeing Slipknot had really hit home.I arranged to meet them after an hour of Metallica though.

To my surpirse I actually really enjoyed them. My brother had been promising me all weekend that they were gonna crush. And fuck yea they did. A single guitar note was enough to dislodge your insides. You add the other guitar bass and drums, and you were raped by the sound. They only played one song I knew while I watched them. Thankfully it was the only sng I wanted to hear, for whom the bell tolls!

Andy throughout the entire gig was trying to perk me up. Hugging me, makaing jokes, and continually passing me the poppers. I just had NOTHING left. I was running on empty. I knew it was sunday, and the 4 day bender was coming to the end, and I was crashing bad.

I left to meet my brother, and we just picked our stuff up and went home. Metallica were still playing as we walked out, but nothing was keeping me there then. All I wanted my a hot shower and an actual bed. I even left my tent behind, not that I particularly had any intention of taking it with me anyway.

We got a taxi home and that was that. Anoither festival done. But what a fucking festival!

Songs of the weekend were:

57
Smokers Outside the Hospital Door
Ashes in the Fall
Voodoo People
Nobody Move, Nodogy Get Hurt
All These Things I Have Done
Rock N Roll Queen
and Torn on the Platform.

Was great making random friends. Probably never see them again, but be cool to bump into them next year.

As Scurr said, why can't every night out be like that... where you just stop and chat with everyone. Everyone in a good mood, and you love it.

Was so good meeting all Ally's mates. Good thing is I think we've found some proper festival friends for years to come.

Think my self-esteem was helped a lot this weekend. I may not have pulled, but got a lot of female attention.

Georgia the fittest girl I saw there kept telling how fit I was. Laigney was very keen, as was Emma, and the fatc that Leanne and Kat turned up, and Kat basically let me feel her up was fairly cool :P

Nearly every singly one of them said, unprompted by me, how cool my new beard was as well, which was nice :P

The comedown today has been fairly harsh though.

In 4 days I consumed more alcohol than I have in the rest of the year put together, snorted around 4 grams of coke, snorted 2 bottles of poppers completely dry, and smoked over 200 ciggarettes.

It;s a great motivator the festival, usually it inspires me to get back into music, start the band again, and put myself out there more.

This year it's motivated by Andy and Scurr to quit our jobs, and become full time junkies! ha ha!

So that's it... only 362 days till the next best weekend of the year!
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(no subject) [Aug. 14th, 2008|07:52 am]
Ben
Not gonna lie to you, am putting a lot of pressure on Reading Festival to sort me out this year.

Is worrying me slightly, as one of my majors issues in life is having too much expectation on something, building it up in my head, to the point that the actual event will never ever compare to the ideas I have in my head, sort of the Olsen Twins going to town on me like circus seals.

Reading has never let me down before though, and it is my most anticipated weekend of the year every year. Just that extra bit of pressure this year given the way I am currently feeling, and extremely low self esteem issues.

My brother phoned me the other night and we had a pretty much hour long conversation about it. Half an hour of which was us arguing over whether I am seeing the whole Slipknot set. If it doesn't clash with Pendulum, then yes I'll see it all. If it does.... chin up!

Have got five bands on a list of 'ones I am NOT missing':

Rage
Killers
Ten D
Pendulum
Alexisonfire

Pretty good line up this year, but I fear I may be getting even more commerical in my old age, probably due to the lack of any type of music television. I want to see basically every single band on the main stage each day, and only about 5 from elsewhere. Usually I am spread fairly equally, as I have an ear into the underground music, but not so now. Not that I don't like non commerical music, it's just none of the bands I like are playing!

Where my Mew at?

Still, on the brightside, it means I won't have to walk around too much. Camp at the main stage. Get high :)

Have vowed not to touch herbal high this year after last years fiasco. Don't get my wrong the day I spent tripped out on mushrooms believing I could control the clouds was fucking awesome... just missed an entire day of music, and then didn't feel right sunday!

Thankfully I think I have enough coke this year to last more than 1 day, esp if I don't give it out to random females in the hope that I will get to sniff their panties this year. Bitches, they snort about £50 worth of coke, and the best I get is a round of tonsil tennis off one of them!

In all honestly didn't really mind, they were awesome girls... just wish I hadn't run out! Am wondering whether they'll try and find us again this year. Spent a lot of time with them at last years festival, and I know they fucking loved hanging out with us (except saturday when me and Stirling 'looked as if we'd been to a funeral).

I reckon Jess will come see me. I hope. Be good to see her again, and she has been in contact a bit. No idea about the other two. Jess has been on about me making their camp fire for them. Looks like I'll be sending Sam :)

Still nervous about camping for the first time. But kinda excited at the same time. Be very cool not having to trek back to mine every night, and sitting their soaking up the atmosphere for hours after the music stops. Loved hanging out at my bro's campsite a few years back.

Just worried about sleep deprivation, shower deprivation, and people nicking my stuff!

Sharing a tent with Sam as well. A few days ago that would have worried the shit out of me. Thankfully I had a good chat with Sam a day or so ago and worked out our issues. Sorry, my issues.

Even though nothing really major was said, and no resolution to my problems, which I believe are incapable of being resolved were thought up... I felt better.

Was good to get my thought out in the open, meaning they weren't swirling around my head with a thousand un answered questions. Was also nice to trust Sam, and bring her into myself a little bit.

People do refer to us as brother and sister, and rather than being annoyed by that, I have resolved to be delighted with that. She's a great girl, and a great friend, and it's that we're this close. Never really had that many close girl mates. Mainly because I wanna sleep with any girl, but I feel good about this.

Right, better do some work as I've procrastinated for long enough.

But here's to Reading
To me camping for the first
For Rage changing my life
To getting high
To having the guts to talk to strangers and banging the crap out of some slutty bag of shit
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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2008|10:53 am]
Ben
BAre with me, I think this is gonna be a bit of an epic post.

Soemthings just up with me recently, and seeing as how I am physically incapable of talking about it out loud, I need to spill my thought onto this empty webpage in an attempt to reconcile my feelings!

My mum told me a statistic once that was something like if you feel good 5 days out of 7, you can consider yourself to be an extremely happy person.

This was very true of me when I was about 16. But since then it;s been getting less and less, to the point that it seems to be every other day that I variate between the 2 extremes of excitably happy, and annoying low.

I couldn't work it out though. What do I have to bitch about?

I've got a good job, that I enjoy, and earn good money. I am enjoying studying, and feel I have a bright future in my chosen career. I don't even mind having to get up early for work, as I like going in and spending the day with the poeple around me.

I love my friends and couldn't ask for better ones. At the weekends when we hang out I love it, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

My family are amazing, and even though I bitched about having to move back into my parents house, I really don't mind it, esp now when they are away and I have the place and car to myself.

I had a great brithday, been on an amazing holiday, and even have Reading Festival coming up.

So what's the matter???

I guess this all culminated last night, when I got home after playing football, which should have been a great stress reliever, but I came home and just wanted a fight. An actual fight. Usually if someone gives me hassle I'll retreat inside my shell, and flee. But if some chav had have given me shit last night, I'd have probably done all I could to start a fight. I've never felt so angry and agressive without cause before.

You just assume when people are sad that it's because they hate their life. But I've come to an awakening ephiphany. I love my life. I just hate myself.

Seem to spend most of my time wishing I was someone else recently, or day dreaming about unrealistic scenarios in which I am loved and respected.

I look at all of my close friends, and can instantly name of the top of my head qualities about them that make me not only like but respect them.

Andy is hilarious, I don't know anyone funnier.
Scurr is extroverted and can talk to anyone.
Tommy is interesting and never is short of a great story to share with you.
Bailey is self reliant, and willing to stand up for himself and won't be taken for a fool.
Dave can find the good in every one and every situation and can even find the courage to start a new life in a foreign country.

I think of all these things, and I envy them for these abilites.

I then think if they were to do the same situation, they'd be at a loss for something to come up with.

I always surround myself with people who are similar to me. Like the same things I do, and enjoy doing the same things as me. The only problem is it ends up with myself getting depressed because they are better than me at all the things I like doing, leaving me feel inadaquate, under valued and under appreciated.

Stirling, Scurr and Bailey are all better at football than me.

Stirling is funnier than.

They all probably have better film knowledge than me (I know thats trivial but is something I pride myself on)

Dave is better at music than I am.

And even though I genuinely consider myself to the best looking out of us, they all succeed with women, where I fail. Even Tommy now, not that I am ever gonna hold that against him, as he deserves success in that area a lot more than i do... it's just frustrating.

My self-esteem right now is probably the lowest it has ever been. And I know why, but am still incapable of doing anything about which is ecven more frustrating!

Even though most of the time I enjoy being at work, it really isn't helping me.

I am the 'joker' in the office. And people now look to me to entertain most days, and most days I deliver. But 90% of these times the entertainment is people picking me as an easy target for wind ups. So what do I do? I play along, and continue the joke.

Most days I don't even care, but more and more days now I am really strating too.

The irony is I know that I am the butt of most jokes, due to my popularity within the office, and that they do make fun of me because they actually love. Sarah's games of calling me a girl and giving me man cards is funny for everyone, is her way of showing me affection.

But all it goes to illustrate nowadays is that I'm the kind of person everyone likes, but no one respects.

I feel like a sidekick most of time. I;m there doing the enjoying things, and experiencing everything, but I'm not important to anything, respected or cared about.

I've spent all my life trying my hardest to be like, and suddenly it is occuring to me that, who cares if everyone likes me. All I care about are my close friends and family.

Why should I accept being the butt of my jokes in the office to make everyone in their like me?

Who gives a shit if some random like Julie our office manager likes me. In fact, in the work environment it probably is better to be respected.

I just seem to hate every single trait I have recently.

I hate my inability to talk to anyone I am not already comfortable with.

I hate how shy I am.

I hate how pathetic and small I am.

I hate how spineless I am.

I hate how I agree to plans with people I have no intention of following through on because I can't stand to let them down.

I hate how I lie about my personality for attention.

I hate how I crave attention from people.

I hate how I cannot ever say what I am actually thinking out loud.

I hate how I feel I never have anything interesting to say, so I steal other peoples stories, often claiming they are my own.

I hate how girly I am.

I hate how everyone views me as being gay, or going to end up gay. I know with 100% certain that I am not, and all peoples views does is anger me that I'm not, as I believe it would just be easier if i was!

I hate how I day dream about reachable targets but don't ever do anything about them, such as becoming fluent in Spanish.

I hate how annoyingly arrogant I am. It's all fake of course, as this post details. But if someone says anything about me, it's a reflex reaction to come back with some comment about how great I am. Guess the thinking is that no one else will say it!

In fact the only thing I like about myself are my looks, and I end up hating them too due to my belief that I look like a twelve year old, and everyone views as that way.

I do blame Sam a lot for this epicly low self esteem. Not that is has done anything intentionally, or is even aware of what she has done.

She stayed round mine on Wednesday evening, it had seemed to me she had manouvered herself into staying round, as I saw no point in it. But then that could have been just due to my hatred of staying at other peoples houses.

Nothing happened obviously, not that I particurlar wanted it to. Think my siutation with Sam can be summed up by some crappy lyrics from that song at the end of 10 things I hate about you.

I want you to want me.

I don't want Sam, I just want to be wanted. And her comments about how the thought of me and her doing anything were ridiculous because we're more like brother and sister really upset me.

It just makes me feel unattractive and unwanted. Why is doing soemthing with me ridiculous??? I'm good-looking and fun to be with.

But maybe that statement isn't true, when the reality shows, and the thought of being with me is ridiculous.

Guess it was the whole Alex thing that sparked this off. I was fine knowing Sam didn't want me until I knew she'd been pulling him.

A guy has short as me, uglier than, and someone who has been living with his girlfriend for 4 years, meaning you were helping him cheat, was a better option for a guy to randomly pull on a night out.

I struggled with my her pulling him bugged me so much, and I think I hit the nail on the head there.

So... resolution. I can sit her and wallow in self pity till the cows come home, but nothings gonna change unless I do something.

But how do you change your inherent nature, and years of experiences moulding you into the person you are.

How do I change all the things I hate, and become more like the person I wanna be.

Short of getting an alter ego who's Brad Pitt I really can't see it.

Each day at a time is probably the best way to look at it.

Make myself talk to strangers, make myself stop playing the character I think everyone expects me to be, and belief more in myself, and my own inetrest.

Think I probably just need to get laid to improve the self esteem!!

Least with reading Festival coming up I know I have a fucking good weekend on the horizon.

Think I'll just snort by body weight in coke. That oughta numb the pain.
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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2008|05:18 pm]
Ben
So... I finally saw it.

The Dark Knight.

Given that I am not an experienced journalist who people pay to read I'm fairly certain that there is nothing new I can say about this film, or anything that hasn't been said better, so all I'll say is:

Wow.

Great plot, great effects, great script, and great god was Ledger awesome.

Really hope he gets the oscar he's already been touted for, he deserves it, regardless of whether he died or not. And unless Day Lewis or Depp bring out a film this year, I can't see any acting performance touching on that.

Awesome cinema we went too as well. The Gallery in Maidenhead, paid for by my company, where we received free unlimited soft drinks, popcorn and nachos, and had the back 2 rows with barca lounger chairs which were huge, and tables to put all our crap on. Glad I waited and saw it in style, though I fully expect to go watch it again this weekend.

Also got an iphone yesterday, and fuck me is that a genius piece of machinery. Was well annoyed when I broke my old phone (I am assuming due to paint getting in the buttons after answering the phone too many times with Joker make up on) but now I am fairly delighted!

Thankfully I am now completely over what was bugging me. Thanks to Mo, Andy and Scurr. I know who I cna rely on in life, even if all 3 of them are cunts :P lol
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(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2008|01:54 pm]
Ben
Had a cracking night for my birthday on Saturday.

But something about that night is bugging me, and it is bugging me that it is bugging me.

Got some shit to work out.

Good weekend though. Went down to Pompey on Fridya, mainly to pick up the Joker costume Al had for Saturday, but also as I hadn't seen Genge and Al in years.

Was awesome hanging out with them. They are in a very, very samll group of people that I feel completely secure and capable of being myself around. They place no pressure on me to meet any sort of expectations they have, and it means I am free to just have a fucking good time.

Was awesome chatting about uni and shit.

Saturday was 'Drinking Hide and Seek' dressed as heroes and villains. Fairly succesful night, even if the heroes did find us in the very first pub we hid in! Everyone's costume looked awesome. Got fairly battered too. No one, apart from me, remembers going to the afterdark though, which is odd seeing as thats where we spent most of the night.

Not sure I can claim to be more sober than anyone else though, as I was horrible sick when I got home... no one knows this, not even the people staying at my house.

Sunday was just a complete write off. So hungover. The heat didn't help, and the fact that I woke up at 7, and was unable to fall asleep again.

Me Alex and Sam spent all day just lying on beds and sofa's hardly talking, only occasionally piping up to mention how tired or hungover we were.

We did go to the driving range at about 12ish though. Faily amusing banging the shit out of golf balls while hungover. Made the hangover worse though I fear.

Was odd having work mates out with my usual mates on Saturday though, even Sam. They put me on edge. I fear while I am at work I play a character. A character they all expect me to be. The irony being thats 'The Joker.'

Sometimes I jsut can't be assed with it, but if I ever stop playing it, I get people continually asking 'what's wrong, your not yourself.'

Don't think any of them know me well enough to know when I am not being myself. Which is my fault. I hate getting close to people. Really hate it.

As for this thing that's bugging me. Got some serious thinking to do, which I did a lot of on Sunday, and still can't come up with an answer.

And just so you know, I am purposely not mentioning what it is.
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(no subject) [Nov. 30th, 2007|08:42 pm]
Ben
Some major shit just went down outside my apartment.

4 police vans, flashing lights everywhere, about 15 policemen i could count running about with flash lights, 4 guys handcuffed and taken into the back of police vans shouting and shit. Not often you hear a police yell I suggest you shut up'

No idea what happened though. Only went outside for a fag when I saw all the flashing lights, so no idea what sparked the mass police presence and arrests. Curiosity's killing me.

Think I'll stay in tonight...
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(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2007|09:19 am]
Ben

Had an odd weekend.

Friday night consisted of the usual routine, head into town for about 8:30ish and get drunk.

Scurr wanted to go to the Pitcher and Piano to begin with as he was deprete for a white russian. I've never had one before and never will again.

Firstly, the round of 3 drinks cost Scurr £17. That'll teach him to crave anything other than wetherspoons watered down lager.

But more importantly, the drink had milk in it in some form. I have been incapable of drinking milk based alcohol for years. Not really sure why, can't remember a bad experience, just can't, to the point that the thought of the smell of bailey's makes me feel sick.

Anyway, after that the Oakford and O'Neills were hit.

Not being funny, but I know that we are all working now, and earning pretty good money, but that doesn't mean we need to only drink in places where you have to re-mortgage your house just to get a round in!

After drawing more money out we nostalgically went to the Monks.

God bless Wetherspoons.

Cheap drinks, and gaggle's of Uni frippette everywhere.

Felt like a paedo in a playground. Except of course they'd have been looked like the paedo in the situation. Despite my being almost 5 years older than uni freshers, and despite the facial hair I try to hide my youthful looks behind, i still look like my uni brothers younger brother he invited up for a night out with his uni mates.

But a shot in Old Orleans and yet another discussion about how my life is incomplete due to various films I haven't watched got me over it.

Listen guys. I've never seen any Rocky film, nor do I have any intention of watching any Rocky film. As much as watching that retard Stallone has seven shades of shit lumped out of him in a boxing ring appeals to me, it wouldn't be worth it to sit through an hour and a half of appalling acting, montages that are only made good by their soundtracks, and pointless boxing fights.

There is no way you can make a boxing fight look good in a film. As at the end of the day, it's just two guys punching eachother.

Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, the Matrix, these are films with good fight scenes. I seriously doubt Rocky is.

Anyway, as usually the afterdark was frequented. The place was also packed with uni women,uncharacteristically, and they played Mr Brightside, and I instinctively thought I was Brandon Flowers as usual.

Good night I guess, but I still left feeling pretty empty.

Saturday I had a band practice.

Everyone looked at me weird when I told them that, as everyone thought I had left JAH, which I kinda had.

Point is, it's my best mates from Uni I was in a band with, and a practice is a great excuse to meet up and see eachother again. Plus I hadn't played drums in ages so wanted to. I do love playing in a band though, even just in rehearshal room Something satisfying about playing a song in Stereo, with all the insutrments, rather than you just sitting at home and banging out a rendition of whatever song just on your guitar.

Practice was awesome though, thanfully the songs we play are fairly simple, so pretty hard to forget. But we aniled them all.

We only played 2 of our own songs though. Reason I got disillusioned in the first place was because all the other guys wanted to do was play covers, seems as if they wanted to be in a band just to tell people 'i'm in a band' and don't get me wrong, i loved telling people that, but I wanted to create music.

But I agreed with only playing 2 of our own on Saturday.

Geek Song I was never a huge fan of, was basically a filler.

Scared Of Girls nothing new about it, and basically rips of dammit by blink.

Only one I disgaree with is Pregnancy. I still think thats a great song, but I am happy to sacrifice it I guess. Which means I can't love it that much. Everyone know ITGU is my master piece anyway.

Reason I was so happy with the practice though, is that for the first time since Scared Of Girls, so 3 years ago, the guys liked, and wanted to learn a new song of mine.

We decided to have a jam session to write new stuff where I came out and got Genge's guitar, and he tried to come up with vocal lines. Had to choose carefully which song to try out, as I've got about 8 written they haven't heard, but I chose well.

Good thing was though, I showed them the main riff, and they loved it, then we kinda worked out other parts of the song together. Now I do have a complete song written, but it's so much better when we all have input on it. The song I had written was much faster and punkier, but it's now looking to be slower and more well written and involved I would say. Which I am delighted about.

Bad thing about practice was that it appears that my drum sticks were made of sandpaper. Well actually it;s been so long since I drummed that the natural resistance my hands built up to the wood friction has passed, and I now have 8 blisters on my hands. 4 of which popped during practice. My hands have been in agony ever since. Can't make fists, or touch anything. Brilliant.

Sunday saw a return to early morning football for me. I;d misssed the last 2 weeks, but last week my manager phoned me and told me that they were missing me on the pitch... obviously :P

So I returned to find I was on the bench. Livid. I, proceeded to very characteristically throw a hissy fit, and refused to linesman. Our manager was reffing, so Lewis was running the team, but then had to linesman. I had a bitch about not playing, he heard and had a go at me and told me that I wouldn't be coming on. I got changed and said fair enough, but don't expect me to turn up for Calcot again.

At half time, our manager took me aside and told me to ignore everything Lewis had said, he had wanted me to start and didn't know I wasn't till kick off, and that they needed me.

Was satisfying having all our players at some point during the first half coming over to the sidelines to ask Lewis what the fuck he was doing, Bambi is one of our best players, we need him.

I wish that was the biggest event of that match. But it wasn't.

Not sure how it started, but at half time Ginge and our managers wife got into a huge argument. It escalated. Quickly. Resuting in our manager Geoff, who is a HUGE bald guy, and Ginge has an actual fight. Punches were properly thrown, not properly landed thankfully.

But silver lining... it meant I came on at half time :P

However, 5 minutes into the first half, Josh fouled someone, Geoff gave a free kick, and Josh for some reason went off on one, called him a bald headed twat and to fuck off. Usually ref abuse you'd say? But what you don't know is Josh is Geoff's son!

Geoff walked off. We were refless. Thankfully someone came on and took over, but fairly entertaining having your ref walk off in a huff!

Oh, and I hit the post with a glancing header... one of the greatest moments of my life.

Oh... we lost 5-0 :D

So that was my odd weekend. I sometimes wish for a quieter life. But then I get one and I can complain :P

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I Predict A Riot... [Oct. 11th, 2007|02:04 pm]
Ben

Yet another chapter in the 'Cowardice Chronicles' for Ponting.

Was just going for a meeting with a client out of the office with my manager Gayle, and just as we got outside 2 people came hurdling out of Boots.

One was a security guard, and one a tramp looking bloke that had clearly nicked something.

The guy somehow was half on a bike and trying to get on it to escape, while him and this security guard just kinda tussled with eachother.

The guy got off his bike and tried to run, but the security guard knocked the goods out of his hands, while also managing to keep hold of the guys bike quite miraculously. The guy seemed in two minds about this. Did he just leg it, or go back for his bike.

It was at this point that he started feeling around in his jacket. It was very obvious that he was going for a weapon. Thankfully he thought better of it and just ran off, as he could have pulled a knife or even a gun out!

But fair play to the security guard, managed to get the goods back, and knick the guys bike! ha ha!

But what was I doing through all this? Standing watching.

In all fairness so were about 20 other people, including some very hefty builders.

This time I'm not feeling so guilty though, as the last time I witnessed a shopkeeper being assaulted I stood back and thought to myself, you should do something you pussy. But I didn't.

This time, the only thing on my mind was making sure Gayle was safe. All I did was try to posistion myself in between her and the ruckus. Except she kept moving round me when I did!! Clearly wanting a better view of what was going on.

It wasn't until afterwards when we carried on, and she said its awful isn't it. So many people, and all they did was stand and watch, that I felt a little twitch of guilt.

But again, nothing I could have done except get roughed up! Thankfully no real punches were thrown or anything, and even more thankfully he decided against pulling out a weapon!

Kinda different I guess as well when it is a proffessional thing.

You wouldn't think to help a policeman chase someone down now would you?

But again, just made me feel fairly cowardly. But I'm alright, the security guard was fine, the thief lost his bike, and most importantly Gayle was fine, so I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it like I did last time.

Still shook me up though. And I could see that Gayle was racing from it. Just not what you expect in Windsor of all places!

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I Hope This Song Starts A Craze... [Oct. 10th, 2007|08:09 pm]
Ben
[feeling? |amusedamused]
[sound? |Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Doesn't - Brand New]

I just went in my bathroom, and it smelt... nice!

This makes me livid. Bathroom's for all designs and purposes should smell on nothing at best. Until the point that I have completely outted myself, and taken up hairdressing, I must insist it stays that way.

And despite the bets many are making, that day will never come.

Not only this, but everywhere in my bathroom are girl products.

Hair straighteners, ridiculously large combes for what part of the body I don't even know, and about a thousand hair conditioners.

Though to be fair, I'm not complaining about that too much. Gives me a new excuse for why the moisturiser, concealer and eye liner are in there too. As for some reason, when given a choice of whether they belong to me or Dave, astoundingly they refuse to believe they are units.

Though I have to say, these randomly placed beauty products are the only evidence I have so far of my new housemate.

Whether Dave is intent to keep her locked up, or she is horrible intimidated by myself (and who could blame her :P) I don't know. But it will be interesting to she how long they can keep this up.

Work was awesome today though. Fucking nailed it.

We've got our annual quiz this Friday, and in honour we also have dress down day. The charity we are doing this all for is some lavender named thing for cancer.

Good cause an all, but in honour of this, they have requested that on dress down day we get in the spirit and wear something lavender, or pinkish.

If i'd have given my accurate response to that request i'd have been fired.
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